and i fell heavy into your arms
by arkstation
Summary: "You're afraid that you'll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there's only, like, five people around and I'm getting very suspicious", or the three times bellamy holds clarke's hand to save her and the one time he does because he wants to.


i.

It started at a party of all places, and a Grounder party at that.

The Grounders and the Sky People had finally, _actually_ made peace with each other. No more leaving each other in the dust, they decided. A party was thrown in Tondc, still in the middle of repairs after the missiles, but nonetheless still jumbling with excitement.

And oddly enough, Clarke felt it too as she sipped on a glass of pink alcohol. She'd never admit it to the kids, but no longer having to rely on Monty's moonshine or hundred year old bottles of whiskey to get drunk felt nice. It felt like a symbol for something greater, like they didn't have to rely on only themselves anymore. They could lean back a little.

Of course, she deserved it. Her decision that fateful day in Mount Weather, her leaving for four months only to come back when she saw Monty peeking out from the bushes nearby one of her traps. She had to carry him all the way back to Camp Jaha when he stepped in it and reluctantly stayed once she saw Bellamy running into the medbay for _her_.

Only a few hours in when drums begin to beat from every corner of the village, an apparent signal for an impromptu dance party among the Grounders. Clarke had even spotted Wick dancing along to the beat, shaking his arms awkwardly and hopping on each foot beside a laughing Raven. Jasper took a reluctant step near a gorgeous Grounder who immediately grabbed him by the hand and spun him around. Naturally, Miller and Monty were the only Sky People who had any kind of rhythm at all.

"Not much of a dancer, huh Princess?" And suddenly Bellamy was by her side, somehow weaving himself into the crowd.

Clarke shifted herself on each foot uncomfortably. "Well, you know. That was more an Ark thing."

He seemed to notice her discomfort when he asked, "Are you okay?"

She almost laughed with bitterness when he asked that. She spent four months in the forest alone, deserted. Open spaces now often felt so much more welcome than tight areas. Breathing felt hard sometimes, even when they were in the new cabins Bellamy had ordered, when there were more than four people around her. After all, it'd still been barely six months since her return.

Practically everyone was over walking on eggshells with her now, other than maybe her mother and Bellamy. No one was afraid that one day they'd all wake up and get in line for breakfast only to notice that she'd packed up all of her things and left yet again.

And sometimes she sees the faces of the Mount Men in her dreams and she feels like she'll never stop screaming until Octavia or Raven would jump from their cot to soothe her back to sleep. Even Jasper's face rings in her mind, the way he looked at her when he found out that she was the one who pulled the lever to kill his first love.

Space is good. She feels free. Like there are less people there to know what she's done to save her own skin. Bellamy would argue that she saved everyone else too but she won't have it. Not when she's alive and she had killed too many innocents.

"Claustrophobic?" Bellamy tried, and Clarke nodded quickly, biting her lip. "Let's go then."

"I can't see past any of these people," Clarke grumbled. "I'm too short."

Bellamy let out a laugh and Clarke looked up at him with frustration. "Short princess," He commented, "fortunately I'm tall enough to see over these people. Come on."

Immediately she wove her fingers through his and she could feel his slight hesitation, stopping in the middle of the moving crowd before finally pulling her slowly away with him. She grasped onto him tightly, her knuckles turning white and her nails digging into the palm of his hand.

He didn't complain.

* * *

ii.

They're marching into battle this time. Something about a holographic missile crisis about in the City of Light, Murphy called it as he ran into Camp Jaha, out of breath. Clarke couldn't help but notice the arm he had around a tiny girl with facial tattoos and a wrap around her hair.

It's the Sky People and the twelve Grounder clans together, marching through the forest. There's a rush of déjà vu in the air, Clarke notices as she walks alongside Lexa, but when she cocks her head to the left, instead of seeing a tattooed man by her side, she sees a dark mop of hair and leather jacket. Bellamy.

It'd been a year ago when she sent him off to be their inside man in Mount Weather. Sometimes when it gets quiet around them, soaking in each other's presence, she looks at him in the eye and she'll wonder whether he still blames her for it. She knows now that he did things, saw things that he'll never forget and when she left for those four months he was the one who had to deal with looking at the people he killed for everyday, not her.

The forest is dense, green, full of life, in an almost ironic way. It holds so much and Clarke almost remembers the feeling she had when she first came down here. Wells, Finn. So many other kids who are now dead. How beautiful she thought it was, the lush green and the warm sun hitting her face like she'd dreamt of those seventeen years up in space. How different things were now. The forest had seen everything. Just like her.

She's too busy walking with Grounder chanting around her to notice the ground. It's rocky and muddy, littered with branches, but she's mostly used to it till she trips and nearly lands face first in a brown puddle. A strong arm wraps around her waist and pulls her back to standing. The Grounders continue marching as if nothing had happened, walking around the two.

"You okay there Clarke?" Bellamy said, trying to keep a straight face.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Just fine."

"Almost lost you there," Bellamy chuckled. "Come on. Don't need you tripping and losing you again." He offered a hand.

The way he says it is casual but she can't help but wonder the meaning behind his words. She doesn't have time to ponder because Lexa shouts her name, so she simply grasps his hand and lets him guide her toward the Grounder queen.

* * *

iii.

The scene is too much like the dinner party after _his_ death. This time it's the Tree Clan and the Sky People versus the Ice Nation, but the memory still hits her in the face like the first rush of cold air in the winter.

The Ice Nation and the Tree Clan had been at peace for the past few years, their rivalry ending after the death of Lexa's girlfriend, Costia. But things had become more tense, especially after the Sky People became one of them. And now the Ice Nation wanted to solidify the union with a marriage. Specifically, a marriage between Clarke and a man from the Ice Nation. And they were going to stop at nothing to have it happen.

It had been a bumpy road at first, a rebuilding of a peace treaty that was so easily broken the first time when Lexa left Clarke and her people in the war, but they were solid now. So when the Ice Nation asked for Clarke's hand in marriage and Clarke rejected it with the advice of Lexa (and the worried look on Bellamy's face), they wanted war.

At first it had been a simple dinner between the clans to announce Clarke's marriage to one of the men of the Nation, but when Clarke spoke in her most determined voice that she wasn't going to let it happen, every Grounder of the Ice Nation already had their weapons out as if they knew it was going to happen. Utter chaos erupted soon after.

"Clarke?" Bellamy shouted above the yelling, his thick head of hair popping out through the crowd, looking for the blonde girl.

Clarke looked around, gun in hand. "I'm here!"

At once Bellamy was at her side, pushing her behind him as he did only a year ago. He used his spare hand to block Clarke from the sight of the Ice Nation, knowing she was their main target and they'd stop at nothing till they got to her.

Bellamy saw Abby make eye contact with him then nudge her head toward a previously unknown exit before tripping a Grounder and pressing a knee against his back. Without a word, Clarke grabbed Bellamy's hand and lets him help her through the commotion till she saw the light again.

Later the Ice Nation agreed that if Lexa's second in command agreed to marry one of the Ice Nation's men that they'd forget about the whole incident. And they did.

* * *

+1

They're good hunting partners, really. There was a time where she'd rather face the river serpent than walk an hour into the woods with Bellamy Blake, but now he's her first pick and she's his. It's weird how much things can change within a year and a half.

Usually if they were looking for food, they'd send several groups out, but they were only looking for a plant with properties Lincoln insisted would cure the latest virus spreading throughout Camp Jaha. One girl got it while sneaking out with her boyfriend one night to an uncharted piece of the forest, and she embarrassingly confessed to it to the workers of the medbay two weeks later, after spreading it around across the camp. Clarke volunteered to find it first; she was in need of some fresh air after hours of her mother's stuffiness. She asked for Bellamy's help soon after, ignoring a few eyebrow raises and some smirks. Jasper and Monty offered their assistance as well, which she accepted with slight reluctance. After all, they had gone to the skybox for making illegal substances out of herbs. They had to know something about what they were trying to find.

They were all walking in a comfortable silence when there came a rustle of leaves in a bush beside them and a sudden flash of something jump out in front of them. Clarke feels a tinge of sadness seeing everyone grab for their guns at first instinct. They're all so used to it now; feeling threatened.

Clarke shoots the creature first, firing what feels like a thousand bullets till she sees it stop breathing. Bellamy stares at her in a way that makes her almost squirm, forcing her to look away and focus back on the animal blocking their path.

"Jesus," Bellamy said, poking it with his foot. "let's go." And they do.

She barely notices herself do it anyways, but after the mishap with the animal ( _what was it anyways?_ ), every sudden noise has her head whipping in every direction. She knew Bellamy probably found her completely ridiculous and Jasper and Monty were way too busy laughing and popping various fruits into each others mouths and high fiving themselves when they scored, but she couldn't help it. It'd been awhile since the last real animal scare, the only one she really remembers is that damn gorilla that Bellamy teasingly named 'The King Kong Incident'.

"You doing okay, Clarke?" Bellamy asked her after the twentieth time she turns her head. She gave him a weak smile.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Just scared me, you know?" Her voice shook a little.

"You were pretty bad ass with that gun, anyways. Pulled it before any of us had ours out," Bellamy said casually, but she knew his compliments held more than most people's did. It had taken her a while to realize that she shouldn't reject them, but accept them and keep her excuses to herself.

Clarke laced a hand through Bellamy's. "Thanks."

Jasper and Monty watched Bellamy knit his eyebrows in confusion for only a brief moment before squeezing Clarke's hand back.

When they come back to camp, bags stuffed with the medicinal plant, every camper's eyebrows are raised just as they were before they had left, but instead of looking at the two in the eyes, they were looking at each other's hands.

Clarke was the first to notice it, ripping her hand from Bellamy's, cheeks bright red. "Um-"

"If you wanted to hold my hand that bad, Princess, you didn't need to use your 'I'm short and I get lost in big crowds' excuse, you know." He slipped his hand back into her now slackened hand.

"Oh, shut up."


End file.
